Article

What would you Do?

It was May 1st of 2019, and I was sat at the dining room table about to address a thank you card from our 5 year-old son Owen, to his aunt and uncle in Florida, my sister Annette and brother-in-law Paul.  Well, you know how the Holy Spirit is described as a wind?  I was hit by what seemed like a wind, but it was a knowing that hit me.  This is what came to me like a sudden wind out of nowhere:

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“Address it just to Annette, Paul is going to be dead when the letter gets there!”

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Oh my gosh, what a terrible thought!  What just happened?  What was that?

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Do you remember how the Bible says when God spoke some said it thundered and some said an angel had talked to Him (John 12:29)?  All heard the same Voice, but not all heard God speak.  The phrases “he who has ears to hear” or “if anyone has ears to hear” are used eight times in the gospels.  If He is a Voice... The-Living-Word, what does He long for, what does He look for?  Surely it’s an ear!  Not merely a physical ear, everyone has those.  But rather it’s a spiritual ear He looks for, one in the heart, one that has been developed.

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On the Mountain of Transfiguration the disciples Peter, James and John saw Jesus’s face shine like the sun and His clothes become as white as the light.  Then they saw Moses and Elijah talking with Jesus.  Initially Peter managed to compose himself and speak out, even though what he said was out of place.  However, shortly after when the Father SPOKE, Peter, James and John fell on their faces afraid!  The Voice somehow was different from the manifestation.  Just like at Mt Sinai where the people were comfortable with the signs, wonders and miracles, but when the Voice came... they drew back.

There’s a sensitivity to His voice we are invited to, an awareness of Him and His ways we have yet to see manifest at large on the earth.  But what is our pursuit?  What stirs within us?  Do we have ears to hear?  Will we develop the ability to hear by fearing the Lord like Moses instead of drawing back like the people?

Well, I’m sorry to say on May 1st I didn’t recognize this as the Holy Spirit at first, despite the strength with which the message was delivered to me.  I quickly addressed the envelope to both aunt and uncle in Florida and mailed the letter.

Three days later on Saturday morning, May 4th, I received a phone call from Annette in Florida.  Paul had been admitted to the ER on Friday evening with breathing difficulties and had been placed on life support.  Annette was considering removing the life support and had contacted me, along with other family members to share her situation.  I immediately asked if she’d prefer to wait until the next day to decide and I’d look at flying out to lend support so that a decision could be made together.  They had recently moved from CA to FL and had not yet established a network of friends.

I jumped on the internet and started looking at flights.  The only flight out on Saturday with seats remaining was a red-eye flight out of Denver international Airport, perhaps not the best option.  I continued the search and found that the flights on Sunday were not going to work as they would be arriving too late in the day, so decided to book the midnight flight out of Denver.  The worst option now seemed to be the best option; in fact, it was the only option!

The next step was to figure out a ride to the airport for such a late flight.  We settled on my wife and the kids all taking me up earlier in the evening and me simply waiting around for the flight.  Later that evening some friends responded to my request for a ride to the airport by letting us know they were returning from a trip to Washington and were flying into Denver two hours before I would be flying out.  In fact, they were flying in with the same airline and arriving only two gates down from my gate.  It was nice to have the time broken up by meeting up at the gate.  Elizabeth, their 6-year-old, came running ahead to give me a hug and we all sat chatting for a while.  As I shared the purpose for my trip, Amanda, who has been a nurse for several years including a season in ICU, was able to explain something of the process for removing life support and a little of what to expect.  I found this very helpful.  We prayed before they left and I was encouraged that the Lord was with me in the circumstances developing before me, even though I was not sure what to make of them.

I was torn, with obvious feelings of sadness, concern for my family, and believing and knowing that God heals and delivers, yet unable to shake what had happened on Wednesday, “Paul will be dead before the letter gets there.”  How could I reconcile the two?  As I waited for my flight to arrive, I knew something was unfolding that was far beyond my comprehension.  I needed the Holy Spirit to lead.  Indeed, He was leading.  I just had to go with Him rather than my own preconceived notions.

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In no way am I saying that God was causing this situation.  John 10:10 clearly states that the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy and that Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly.  You’ll see as we move on that the Lord was so present in all of this and wanting to make His heart known, He was not causing it.

I may have slept for a few minutes at a time but felt like I was doing the bob the whole way there.  The flight arrived at about 4:30am, well before the car rental company opened.  This left more time to wonder and wait. 

Finally, I realized there was another car rental facility in a parking lot that was open earlier.  I made my way there and set out to meet with Annette, about half an hour away.  After taking a wrong turn and ending up on one of those really long Florida bridges, it was several miles before I could do a U-turn and get back on track.  Upon arrival, Annette and I caught up a little, as best as you could under the circumstances and then turned our full attention to Paul.

In the hospital room things didn’t look good.  Nurses came and went.  I tried to comfort and help as best as I knew how, holding Paul's hand and stroking his head, praying in the Spirit quietly.  Annette shared that she was believing for a miracle and I knew enough not to speak anything against this.  A decision was made to remove the intubation, though it would take a little while before a doctor could come to do that.  During this time, I sensed a prompting to leave Paul and Annette by themselves for a few minutes and go down the hallway to sit in a waiting area.  As I sat, doctors, nurses and visitors passed by.  Suddenly I sensed the Holy Spirit and began to cry immediately, tears streaming down my face, such was the love that was manifested.  My attention was drawn to a large, framed print on the wall in front of me: a field sown with rapeseed, a vibrant yellow crop. There was a distinct line at the edge of the field where the crop had been sown up to, a border of maybe two to three feet of grass with a few small areas of yellow mixed in... stray seeds that had drifted over and planted themselves amongst the green grass.

Then Holy Spirit spoke...

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“Paul is transitioning over to the other side today. Look at the

left side, it’s full of color, vibrant, densely packed, full of life,

it's so much better.” (Representing Heaven).

Then my attention was drawn to the few scattered areas of

yellow amongst the grassy border and I heard...

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“I get as much of this over onto that side as I can.”

(The grassy area representing earth).

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Tears flowed as I tried to take all of this in.  There was

such a presence of love.    Then I heard...

 “Please share My perspective with Annette.”

It was like a tap was gradually turned off and the presence left.  I sensed that I could now go back down the hallway to the hospital room.  I gradually made my way back wiping the tears away and trying to compose myself.  After sitting for a couple minutes, Annette went over to Paul, laid her hands on his chest and to my utter shock prayed out:

“Lord, oh Lord, please show me Your perspective…”

At this point I could barely take in what was transpiring before me.  Such tragic events, death causing separation between loved ones, yet the Lord being so present in these circumstances.  His presence, His love, His obvious care and attention to both Annette and Paul were so evident.  Now I knew more than ever that this was truly a Holy moment.  I did not want to get anything wrong - I looked deep inside.  

"God, what do I do?  What do I say?  And when?  I can’t be out of step with you on this!" 

Looking back, it seems like we were having an Exodus 19 moment:  God came down and I knew, despite trembling and shaking, we had to move forward to hear.  Drawing back was simply not an option!

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A little while later, a doctor came and withdrew the intubation.  A nurse moved the monitor to the side, and we exchanged a nod almost as if to acknowledge what was going to happen.  I sat there, still trying to take all this in.  Things didn’t “fit” with my head knowledge and preconceived notion of what “could happen,” - but I knew, that I knew, that I knew I was hearing the Holy Spirit. 

"Please lead me... show me what You are doing and what if anything You need me to do or say!"  This was a cry from deep within.

​Over a short period of time the vital signs gradually dropped, Paul’s body gave up and he departed from this world.  This was my first experience of being with someone when they died.  I sat, no words, nothing.  Then a sense... go stand at Annette's side, put your arm around her and share a little of what I told you.  I briefly told Annette that the Holy Spirit had told me Paul was going to pass that day.  I made the offer, when we were ready, we could sit in the little waiting area, and I’d share more.

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After a while we started making phone calls to various relatives and friends to inform them of Paul’s passing.  At one point there was a lull in the phone calls and conversations, no words from either of us, me still trying to comprehend everything, then His presence came again. 

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I could feel Him in me, reaching out to Annette.  I felt Him looking at her through me, no words, just a beaming love.  Then I saw in Annette's gaze, that even though her eyes were looking at me, she was not looking at me.  Don’t ask me how I knew, but I knew she was having an encounter and looking deep into His eyes and heart manifest through me for her.  I was simply the body He needed to manifest through.  I said and did nothing, just let it happen, let Him flow and let Him be Him.  He was so precious, so far above anything I could put into words.  I simply sensed His overwhelming Goodness!

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I later found out that my sister was indeed having the experience I believed she was.  Annette described seeing the Lord looking at her and that this had happened one other time in her life.  She had been deeply touched, as had I.  That Sunday evening as I lay on a mattress on the floor, surrounded by unopened moving boxes, trying to take in the events of the day, which seemed like a week, a deep cry came from my heart:

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“Oh God, you are so good, please make me like you!”

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In seeing His great goodness come so close and thinking of my own weakness and the times I had quenched His Spirit I cried out in my heart.

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I was privileged to spend the following week with Annette.  As the time unfolded Annette shared how for a few months prior to Paul passing she had been asking the Lord to show her His perspective, over and over.  How good is our Lord... how personable... how present... how faithful!

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A couple of days later, at the funeral home Annette and I went in to say goodbye to Paul together.  After a few minutes, it seemed a good idea to leave them alone to say a final goodbye.  As I sat outside, a very faint whisper came:

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“Go stand next to Annette and put your arm around her.”

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I immediately dismissed the thought as I reasoned this was their last special time together and I did not want to ruin it.  After all, I had just left them together to say goodbye for a long time; interrupting that would be the opposite of what I had just thought was the best course of action!  A few minutes later, Annette came out.  I waited a few moments then approached her to ask if she was doing OK. 

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“Yes... I was just standing there next to Paul and again asking the Lord to show me His perspective.”

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Oh no!  My heart sank.  Was that You, Holy Spirit? 

Did I just dismiss the Creator of the Universe whose ways are as much higher than mine as the heavens are above the earth?  In “my wisdom” I overrode the precious Holy Spirit.  I cringe, sharing this... I don’t share it feeling condemned, but with a charge to us all and perhaps a question.  What is this world missing out on?  What does God want to show the world through us?  We are the light of the world.  A light that is set on a hill is not meant to be covered.

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“I get as much of this over onto that side as I can” ran through my head.

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Yet Habakkuk 2:14 says that the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.  He’s waiting for us to yield!  He wants to flow through us, with words, actions, and smiles.  He wants to make Himself Known.  Isn’t this what the gifts of the Spirit do?  They make God manifest and show His heart when it’s most needed.  I believe these are the rivers Jesus spoke of in John 7:37-39.  We are all included: the elderly, the young and everyone in between!  The invitation is to all:

"For God’s promise of the Holy Spirit is for you and your families, for those yet to be born and for everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself."  Acts 2:39 TPT.

Since this time in Florida with Paul and Annette life has not been the same.  This was something of a wake-up call, a reawakening to His presence within, an awakening to being His temple.  It was a call to His side, a re-invitation to His heart and His ways.  It’s almost been as if I’ve experienced more of His heart for ministry, but it’s not ministry as I thought I knew it.  It’s more like the woman at the well ministry.  His heart being manifest for the one or the few, not just on a large scale.  The Holy Spirit even told me to turn down one or two public speaking opportunities.  It was as if He wanted me as a friend, not just as a minister.  This has been such a deep learning process and I believe that as this story is shared, fruit will abound to my brother-in-law’s eternal account.  

Through death comes life, comes an awakening to being His temple.

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Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that His Spirit lives in you?